MSN Cherub:
by oxygensniffer
Summary: Lauren has a fetish about dinosaurs? Kyle is confessing his love? James is sleeping with Zara Asker? Rat is messing about with Kerry's mind? and Bruce? Well, he's just kicking peoples butts. Whats going on I hear you say? Well... Sign in and find out...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: You've heard it all before… I don't own any of the characters. Etc….. Etc…. You get it right? Good.

So...I'm not sure whether Robert Muchamore mentioned any laptops or pc's that the cherubs owned but just imagine if there was…. That basically sums up the story plot.

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><p><strong>MSN names:<strong>

James: WatchoutLadies!

Lauren:I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs...

Rat: Ratty

Bruce: TheAssKickingNinja

Kyle: ILoveYouJames

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><p><strong>For official purposes this MSN conversation does not exist. <strong>

( 8:43 ) _WatchoutLadies_! Has just signed in:

WatchoutLadies! Says: Nobody here?

WatchoutLadies! Says: No?

WatchoutLadies! Says: Ok then…

( 8:49 ) _I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs... _Has just signed in:

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs...Says: JAMES! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO MY NAME!

WatchoutLadies! Says: Errr…. Who the hell are you?

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs...Says: Stop screwing around James! It's Lauren you dickhead!

WatchoutLadies! Say: Hey calm down alright, btw, I have a few things to say about your MSN names, frankly, I don't approve ok sis?

WatchoutLadies! Says: Firstly, It's gross. Who would do that! Secondly: I knew you liked Jurassic park a little too much, And thirdly: I didn't do anything to your name.

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs...Says: Oh! Yer right James! I'm not a friggin idiot! God you're _such_ a fucking child sometimes.

WatchoutLadies! Says: Jesus Lauren, I didn't change your name! Besides if you're that fucking bothered about it, then just change it!

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs...Says: You think I haven't tried that already! Whoever changed it has put a password on my settings! And I don't know what the fucking password is!

WatchoutLadies! Says: Well, I think that's obvious.

( 9:05 ) _Ratty_ has just signed in:

Ratty Says: Hey James, uhhhh…. Who's the creepy dinosaur dude?

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs... Says: Not right now Rat, just piss off.

Ratty Says: I'm guessing its Lauren then.

WatchoutLadies! Says: Eh? How could you tell?

Ratty Says: She said that exact same thing last night when I tried to… err…. Never mind.

WatchoutLadies! Says: Rat….

Ratty Says: Y…y...yes James?

WatchoutLadies! Says: What were you going to say?

Ratty Says: Nothing mate, I was just going to ….

(9:09) _WatchoutLadies!_ Has just signed out:

Ratty Says: Oh shit, he's coming for me isn't he?

(9:09 ) _Ratty_ has just signed out:

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs... Says: Bye then! Fucking pricks….

( 9:11 ) _TheAssKickingNinja_ has just signed in:

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs...Says: Hey Bruce, how you doing?

TheAssKickingNinja Says: Jake? Is that you? I knew you were weird….. but I didn't expect you to have a fetish about dinosaur sounds. Creepy dude, creepy…..

I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs... Says: Jake! HE must have changed my name; of course, this is exactly something he would do! Thanks Bruce

( 9:15 ) I finger myself to the sound of dinosaurs... has just signed out:

TheAssKickingNinja Says: You're…. Err…. Welcome?

( 9:20 ) _ILoveYouJames_ has just signed in:

TheAssKickingNinja Says: James? Is that you? Because, frankly, we're all getting tired of you posing as a girl who's madly in love with you. It's creepy and pervish.

ILoveYouJames Say: No, dickhead, this is Kyle. I just wanted to wind James up a bit.

TheAssKickingNinja Says: Oh right, well if your wanting James, I don't think he's gonna be on tonight.

ILoveYouJames Says: Really? Why not?

TheAssKickingNinja Says: Well, I just saw him chasing Rat down the corridor, and he looked kinda pissed….

ILoveYouJames Say: Man! Looks like my creeping James out will have to wait till tomorrow.

TheAssKickingNinja Says: I don't think he's gonna believe that your in love with him Kyle….

ILoveYouJames Says: No, don't worry. Ever since I told him I was gay, he's been acting weird, I really fucked up his mental state. Poor guy. :) I'm just glad that everyone knows now, it's all out in the open finally, it's nice knowing that….

TheAssKickingNinja Says: YOUR GAY ? WHAT THE FUCK KYLE!

ILoveYouJames Says: … I love you Bruce….

( 9:30 ) _TheAssKickingNinja_ has signed out:

ILoveYouJames Says: Lol. :)

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><p>Hope you enjoyed it, I am planning on doing some more, so if you liked it and have some ideas for what could happen next, don't be afraid to review!<p>

Besides, it makes it much more easier for me to correct my mistakes if **you** tell me what i'm doing wrong. Yes, I'm looking at you!

Thankyou,

The OxygenSniffer


	2. Chapter 2

** Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters... blah blah blah... **

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><p><strong> MSN Names:<strong>

TheAssKickingNinja = Bruce

WatchoutLadies = James

All Hail Kerry = Kerry (obviously)

Ratty = Rat (obviously)

_Here go's: :P_

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><p><strong>( 11:03 ) <strong>_**TheAssKickingNinja**_** has just signed in: **

**( 11:03 ) **_**Ratty**_** has just signed in:**

**( 11:04 ) **_**All Hail Kerry**_** has just signed in:**

_**TheAssKickingNinja**_** Says**: Yo yo niggas, how is you doin'? ya'll is mad stupid.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **…

_**Ratty **_**Says: **…

_**TheAssKickingNinja **_**Says: **Yo, what you doin'? You don' like da way ah jive? Ya' know what I is sayin'?

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says**: Bruce, what the hell are you doing?

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says**: I'm just jivin' to ma homies like? Wat da problem, ya dig?

**_Ratty_ Says**: Dude...I thought you were cool.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Yo ah'm still tight. You know das right!

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Bruce, whatever you are doing, you have to stop it now. Your social life is in danger of collapsing if you continue.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Loosen up Kerry. I found this awesome site that translates whatever you type into awesome slang. Yo you know what ah'm sayin' an shit?

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** You sound like an idiot Bruce.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Yo you betta' take dat back or ah'll beat you up like shit, man.

**_Ratty_ Says:** Seriously Bruce. Uncool.

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Bruce, you're such a child

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Yo, ah'm the coolest nigga around, brothas wants to be me like.

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** God Bruce! Only an complete idiot with the mind of a four year old would think this was cool. Even Rat, who you have to admit, is lame, thinks that you're uncool.

**_Ratty_ Says:** Hey, did you just call me lame?

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Yes, I did Rat. Live with it.

**_Ratty_ Says:** :(

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Yo yo, you got harsh shit in ya like. Beeotch.

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** You're such an ass.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Word.

**( 11:27 ) _WatchoutLadies!_ Has just signed in:**

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Hey Bruce, I looked at that website you told me about, awesome man! Check this out: Yo, all my beotches love me cuz ah'm so hot, like. Don make me come ova there like shit.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** So, Kerry, what was that you were saying about "complete idiots" with the "mind of a four year old"?

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Pricks.

**( 11:34 ) _All Hail Kerry_ has signed out:**

**_Ratty_ Says:** So…what makes me so lame?

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Yo, wat up wiv Kerry, like. Wat u do to my beotch. I'll shank ya, like!

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Yo nigga, she's just madness, she don' dig' how tight we's is slap mah fro!

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Yo, yeah, just like mammy.

**_Ratty_ Says:** Seriously guy's, how come you think I'm so uncool. I can be cool.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** You've gots ta be born wif it peep this shit.

**_Ratty_ Says:** :( I don't understand what you guy's are saying.

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Yo, you not one o' us. You lame and git Sheniquahs ass back ova' heeah.

**_Ratty_ Says:** Sheniquah? Isn't that some kind of hindu god?

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Yo why don' you just leave us alone? I ain't got no time for shit like you.

**_Ratty_ Says:** Do you guy's really think I'm lame, or is it just part of the act?

**( 11:39 ) _All Hail Kerry_ Has just signed in:**

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Yo, ma beeotch is back, man. Ah'm digging you now.

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Shut the fucking hell up James.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** No sex for James tonight!

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** What have I done….

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** I told you to shut up!

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Man, ah'm not digging you now.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Maybe you should give it a break James…

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Yer… getting boring now anyway. :(

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Fine then, listen to him! Just ignore your girlfriend!

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** It's hard to ignore someone who's lodged into your ass as far as you are.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Dude… that doesn't even make sense…

**_All Hail Kerry_ Says:** Fuck off James, I don't give a shit about you or your arse. I don't want to see you ever again, ok? So don't come whining to me later on about how sorry you are when your being such a senseless, ignorant, self obsessed little prick.

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Word.

**( 11:52 ) All Hail Kerry Has signed out:**

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Geez… someone's on their periods….

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** I don't even get why she's always going off like this, so what if I said a few things, she said a lot more…

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** You realize that your going to have to go apologize to her right?

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** What? While there's still danger of her throwing sharp objects…? No way. Besides, she told me she didn't want me to come whining to her…

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Exactly.

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** Eh?

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** If she says that she doesn't want you to come and beg at her feet…it actually means…that she does want you to come and beg at her feet. I thought you would have learnt that by now James.

**_WatchoutLadies!_ Says:** I hate women.

**_T__**he**AssKickingNinja_ Says:** Maybe you should go join Kyle's team, if you know what I mean. Speaking of Kyle…. WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME HE WAS GAY?

**( 11:59 ) WatchoutLadies! Has signed out:**

**_TheAssKickingNinja_ Says:** Arsehole.

**_Ratty_ Says:** So you really think I'm lame?

**( 00:01 ) _TheAssKickingNinja_ Has signed out.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there Readers,**

** Just wanted to say a thank you for the reviews and I'm glad you guy's are enjoying the story. Plus, if anyone has any complaints or ideas for future convo's don't be afraid to review and tell me. :) Thank you once more! **

** The OxygenSniffer. **

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer: Disclaiming the relevant disclaims. Yada Yada Yada.<strong>

**MSN NAMES:**

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) - James**_

_**GetBackInTheKitchen – Shakeel (sorry if I spell his name wrong.)**_

_**TheAssKickingNinja – Bruce**_

**Let's go!**

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><p><strong>For offical purposes this conversation does not exist:<br>**

**( 8:17 ) **_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Has just signed in: **

**( 8:23 ) **_**GetBackInTheKitchen**_** Has just signed in: **

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Like the name, Shakeel.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **How could you tell it was me? :)

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **It's no wonder you never get laid mate, you're to busy insulting woman to actually try get one.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: ** Piss off James.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Besides, rumour has it you're not getting any action either… Everyone's talking about how you and Kerry are going to split up…for what…the fourteenth time…?

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_**Says: **God, she's being such a bitch. I didn't even do anything and she's pissed.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **That's how women work… they shag you and everything is fine, then out of nowhere they start to whine about how you never show them any emotion, and then after days of ignoring you, they suddenly decide they're back in love with you, then they shag you some more and it all begins again. It's the circle of life man.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Well you'd sure as hell make The Lion King interesting.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Just wait it out, she'll forgive you soon enough.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **It's me who should be forgiving her, I didn't do anything!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Yer right James; everyone knows how this goes by now.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **What the fuck are you talking about?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Who did you do it with this time?

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **YOU THINK I CHEATED ON HER!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **That's what you always do isn't it…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Well…..yer….but I swear I didn't do a fucking thing.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Bullshit James.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **So what did you do with this mystery girl…a little bit of tongue? Some groin to groin action? A quick grope behind the Dojo? Was it that girl in your history class, the one with the massive rack? Wouldn't mind getting a bit of action with her… Or was it the one who you bumped into at lunch today, the way she walked…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **I didn't fucking cheat!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Of course mate…I get it…Kerry will never know…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **It wouldn't even matter if she did, because nothing happened.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **…..

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Mate, you slipped up there. :D

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **WTF?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **You mentioned that "nothing happened"… Which would suggest that there was a possibility of something happening in the first place which would then suggest that there was a girl involved, and that you were with her at some point, but…and I'll try not to laugh at this…you realised that deep within yourself there was the capacity for a little thing which someone might call "faithfulness" and pulled your hand out from under her top, leaving her confused and you my friend…. whipped.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Nothing to say James…? It would appear that I have figured out the truth…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Ok… There might have been some groping… But you have to swear that you won't tell anyone else, I don't want Kerry killing me.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **You're my friend James…I'd never put you're life on the line like that…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Cheer's mate. :)

**( ****8:57 ) **_**TheAssKickingNinja**_** has just signed in: **

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **James felt a girl up behind the Dojo.

_**TheAssKickingNinja **_**Says: **Nice one mate :D, who was it?

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **What the fuck Shakeel? What happened to "never put your life on the line like that,"!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **If it had been a normal thing, then I would have kept my silence, but James… you have to admit : this is piss funny.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Yer! Kerry's gonna rip my balls off and you think it's funny! You're a great friend….Arsehole.

_**TheAssKickingNinja **_**Says: **Ohhhh… was it the girl in your history class with the HUGE boobs?

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Piss off Bruce. And I swear, if you tell Kerry about this….

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **To late…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **What… the fuck ….have …you .. done?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Well, I got confused between texting Connor and speaking to you guy's, so when I meant to say to Bruce, "Yer, I bet it _was_ the girl with the big boobs that James groped behind the Dojo." I accidentally sent it on my phone. Sorry.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **I'm gonna fucking KILL you Shakeel!

_**TheAssKickingNinja **_**Says: **You're right Shakeel: this _is_ piss funny. :D

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Shut up Bruce. I could be dead in a matter of hours.

_**TheAssKickingNinja **_**Says: **Why don't you just find Connor and tell him not to tell anyone else. You may still have time my friend…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **Maybe you're right. Listen, I'm going to go and sort this out. But after I've silenced Connor I'm gonna come back for you two! Understood?

_**TheAssKickingNinja **_**Says: **Lol. This is way better than doing Physics homework.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Hmm…intresting…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **What now shithead?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **It would appear that when I sent the message to Conner I also sent it to several other people….

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **It would also appear that it _is_ possible to send one message to everyone in your phone book.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again)**_** Says: **SHAKEEL!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Oooooo…..look! A convenient distraction…

**( 9:15 ) **_**GetBackInTheKitchen**_** Has just signed out: **

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><p><strong> :)<br>**


	4. Chapter 4

Hello again!

_** Thankyou again for the reviews people. I realise that this is a short chapter but I should get another two up within the week seen as it's half term at the mo. Hope you enjoy.**_

_**The oxygensniffer.  
><strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Beth3<strong>_ Bethany

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_= Jake

_**CherubsSTUD**_= Andy

_**Ratty**_= Rat

* * *

><p><em><strong> For Offical Purposes this conversation does not exist:<strong>_

**( 6:04 ) _Ratty_Has just signed in:**

**( 6:11 ) _Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!_Has just signed in:**

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Hey Jake, how you doing?

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**Not too bad, you?

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Trying to block out the sound of Kerry's screaming.

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**Is James still stuck in her room?

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Sounds like it…

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**I heard that it's all because James felt up a teacher behind the mission control building.

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Really..? I got told that James tried to do anal with kerry….

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**No way dude! That's sick!

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Maybe he suggested it to make up for the fact that he cheated on her…. :D

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**Lol. The only way he's going to get out of that room is through the window.

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Yer…when Kerry pushes him out.. :P

**_(__6:27__)__CherubsSTUD_ Has just signed in:**

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Hey guy's, you hear about James and Kerry?

_**Ratty**_**Says:**We were just talking about them…

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**Yep, we've come to the conclusion that James won't come out alive.

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Ha! Serves him right for trying to get off with Zara Asker.

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**WTF! James tried to hit on the Chairwoman?

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**And he might have succeded…had Kerry not walked in on them.

_**Ratty**_**Says:**Bullshit!

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**I heard it from Kyle myself. Who heard it from Kerry…

_**Ratty**_**Says:**So you're saying that James managed to get Zara Asker, the Chairwoman of Cherub, into bed.

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Exactly.

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**I wish I was James.

_**Ratty**_**Says:**I know what you mean…Zara is fit! And James managed to….shit! He's like a god! You guy's know that we have to go save him….

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**What the fuck? I'm not going within twenty meters of that place!

_**Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!**_**Says:**Rat's right, if we go and save James from Kerry, then he'll owe us one, meaning that we can get him to teach us how he managed to shag Zara.

_**CherubsSTUD**__**Says:**_Hold on… I never said…

_**Ratty**_**Says:**There's no time to waste! Let's go!

**( 6:34 ) _Ratty_ Has just signed out:**

**( 6:34 ) _Jakkeeyyyyyyyy!_Has just signed out:**

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**LOL, those two are going to get their heads smashed in.

**( 6: 48 ) _Beth3_ Has just signed in: **

_**Beth3**_**Says:**Hey there Andy! You heard about the nuclear explosion going on with James and Kerry?

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Who hasn't? Rat and Jake have just gone t….. Oh shit! Can you hear that?

_**Beth3**_**Says:**No. I'm two floor's above you…what's going on?

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**I can hear someone….Hold on….Jake's shouting "run"! I think something bad's happening.

_**Beth3**_**Says:**What the hell is going on!

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**How would I know? I'm not….HOLY SHIT! KERRY'S COMING! SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT….

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**akjsdfaskjhdkajshd

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**ythsajnbch,z

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**08234,.mzclm;sdf

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Hel…..p

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**a, sd ,./.,dk,

_**Beth3**_**Says:**Andy? Are you still alive, what's going on…

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Sh's gone….OW!

_**Beth3**_**Says:**What?

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**I'm sorry, I'm in a lot of pain right now…..

_**Beth3**_**Says:**What happened…it looks like some two year old has been trying to play the piano on your keyboard.

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**That would b my fac…. Krry just smashd it into my laptop 5 tims….I think som of the ky's ar brokn…

_**Beth3**_**Says:**Yer.. the "e" doesn't seem to be working…. I take it that "fac" actually means face?

_**CherubsSTUD**_**Says:**Ys. I think I'm gonna go down to the mdical building… I don't think it's normal to be sing everything four tims…

_**Beth3**_**Says:**Err…sure. I'll see you later then…


	5. Chapter 5

_** Hello again readers! **_

_** Sorry about the long wait...again...I've been busy doing exams and all that **** but hopefully will be back on track soon. Here's a bit of a differant chapter for you to make up for the lateness...Enjoy.**_

_** The Oxygensniffer.  
><strong>_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Spenci<strong>_ = Meryl Spence

_**McAffertinotor = **_Mac

_**John**__**J**_ = John Jones

* * *

><p>For offical purposes this conversation does not exist:<p>

**( 7:09 ) _Spenci_ has just signed in:**

**( 7:14 ) _McAffertinator _has just signed in:**

_**Spenci**_** Says:**So _this_ is what all the agents spend their time on….interesting.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Hmm…what do you think they do on it?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**Who knows…maybe you have to have a password to access the actual thing?

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Maybe, but I don't see anywhere to put one in. Do you think you just type it in and if you get it right it lets you in?

_**Spenci **_**Says:**Let's try it.

_**Spenci**_** Says:**Now what would teenager use as a password than we couldn't guess.

_**McAffertinator **_**Says:**This could take a while…. Hold on, maybe the password is password.

_**Spenci**_** Says:**I don't think so.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Why not?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**Well, first…Cherub Agents are not as stupid as that (at least I hope not). And second, we've already typed password in at least 5 times already and nothing has happened.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Oh.

_**Spenci**_** Says:**I don't think we're going to manage to guess this. Unless…

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Unless…?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**UNLESS…

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**UNLESS WHAT?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**What are those things that they write….the weird looking punctuation things?

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Commas?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**No! It's when they use lots of punctuation to show their emotions…

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Oh! You mean one of these… :)

_**Spenci**_** Says:**YES! It must be one of them! _I_ have no idea what one means so it would be perfect if you wanted to create a password that the staff couldn't guess!

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Exactly! What do you think it's meant to represent?

_**Spenci **_**Says:**Well I've seen some students writing them in texts to show how they feel but I don't understand how that shows anything except a colon and a bracket.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Neither do I, but I know what some of them look like…I think there's one that goes like this… :(

_**Spenci**_** Says:**That's even less comprehensive that the last one! I don't understand teenagers.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**So…should we just enter lot's of these things and see if anything happens?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**Let's try it.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**:(

_**Spenci**_** Says:**:) :) :) :) :) :)

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

_**Spenci**_** Says:**:) :) :) :) :) :) :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**:P :P :P :P

**( 7:23 ) _John__J_ just signed in:**

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**:( :( :( :P :P :P :) :)

_**Spenci**_** Says:**:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

_**John**__**J**_** Says:**What on earth are you doing?

_**Spenci**_** Says:**We're trying to get through to this thing the students call "MSN"

_**Spenci**_** Says:**We can't seem to figure of the password…

_**John**__**J**_** Says:**I thought this _was_ MSN.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:** So did we until we realised that there was nothing to do but talk to each other. Which is completely pointless when the agents have telephones and mobiles.

_**John**__**J **_**Says:**Perhaps your right. I only come on because I saw a student in the library on this thing and I wanted to know if it would compromise the security of CHERUB. Bloody thing took me half an hour just to set up an account.

_**Spenci**_** Says:**It took me 45 minutes! And I never once thought about the security of Cherub! I simply came on because Mac asked me to check out a new programme that all the kids seemed to be on.

_**John**__**J**_** Says:**I see. Hold on…

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:** What?

_**John**__**J **_**Says:**How would Mac know about this all when he's no longer chairman of CHERUB…

_**Spenci**_** Says:**That's right! How did you know about all this?

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:** Well…I…

_**Spenci**_** Says:**He called me several days ago to ask me to help him out with this programme, but I never once wondered why it wasn't Zara asking, or why Mac was involved at all.

_**John**__**J**_** Says:**Mac…are you hacking into the Cherub system?

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:** I just….well…not really…I only meant to…not really!

_**Spenci**_** Says:**I don't understand, I thought you were retired happily.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:** I am! It's just…sometimes…I…Sometimes I get lonely.

_**Spenci**_** Says:** You're kidding me right?

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**When I'm alone in the house and stuff…I don't have much to do, so I thought I might talk to the agents and see how they were…I could help them with homework or whatever and they could keep me entertained.

_**John**__**J **_**Says:**Dear god man! Do you know what you just said?

_**Spenci**_** Says:** I've looked up and respected you for years Mac and now… That you would try to get in contact with agents and ask them for "entertainment" both shocks and disgusts me.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**Wait! I didn't mean it like that!

_**Spenci **_**Says:** I suggest that you leave now Mac. Before an agent finds this conversation and see's what you've said.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**But I didn't mean it like that! It was a figure of speech!

_**John**__**J**_** Says:**Don't try logging on again Mac. We'll have to take serious actions if we think our agents are in danger from perverse men like you.

_**McAffertinator**_** Says:**WHAT?

_**Spenci**_** Says:** Go!

**(7:45 ) _McAffertinator_ has just signed out:**

_**John**__**J**_** Says:**Dirty old man.

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><p>Thankyou very much! Don't forget to review... My writing won't improve unless you help me!<p>

...


	6. Authors Note

_**Readers, **_

_** I'm afraid this isn't actually a chapter, and I wont have the opportunity to write any more for at least a month due to upcoming exams and shit, but I did want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read this story ( and an extra even bigger thanks to those who've reviewed ). **_

_** I've had a rough time recently with family problems and it was reading those reviews that drew me out of my general mopeing around and pitying myself. As I mentioned before, I'm putting off writing anything until my exams are finished in a few weeks. When I do have some more spare time however, I'll make sure to write a few new chapters to make up for the delay. Thankyou once again and hope 2012 works out well for everyone. **_

_** The oxygensniffer.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Wow…this is one big chapter. I thought you deserved a big one seen as I have been neglecting my duties recently. Sorry about that by the way. Anyways…enjoy.

The Oxygensniffer.

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><p><em><strong>WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) - James<strong>_

_**All Hail Kerry - Kerry**_

_**GetBackInTheKitchen – Shakeel **_

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname – Lauren**_

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><p><strong>( 11:09 ) <em>WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) <em>has just signed in:**

**( 11:20 ) _All Hail Kerry _has just signed in:**

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **Listen Kerry…all this shit about me and Zara is all a load of…err…shit.

**( 11:21 ) _All Hail Kerry _has just signed out: **

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **Arggghhh! Shit.

**( 11:28 ) _GetBackInTheKitchen _has just signed in:**

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Jamezies! How you doing? I heard Kerry knocked a few punches into you last night…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **Yer! She did you asshole!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Hey calm down mate! Don't pin your relationship problems on me…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **What the fuck Shakeel! You sent Kerry the text saying that I'd felt a girl up behind the dojo…and then you're probably responsible for the rumor that it was Zara as well!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Yeah! Nice going with that by the way. she's got a heck of an arse.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **Oh shut up dickhead. My relationship with Kerry is destroyed, I'll probably get punishment laps for _saying_ I fucked the chairwoman. And Rat is feeling up my sister to!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Ok, listen…the incident was Kerry was an honest mistake and one which you cannot blame me for…

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over the sound of BULLSHIT!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **and…I didn't start the rumor about you sleeping with Zara. That honor lies with Andy. Plus…everyone knew that Rat had sex with Lauren weeks ago. You've been out of the loop for to long.

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **Hold on…we'll come back to Andy in a moment…did you say that Rat had had SEX with Lauren!

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Well yer dude, happened ages back. Heard they did it doggy style. :D

_**WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) **_**says: **HE IS FUCKING DEAD!

**( 11:35 ) _WatchoutGuys!(Kerry's pissed again) _has signed out:**

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **:) That was too easy.

**( 11:40 ) _I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname _has signed in:**

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Hey Lauren. How you doing?

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Urrg...I'm alright I guess, whoever has the password to my account has changed my name again. I thought it was Jake but he was just as confused as me by it all. Though how did you know it was me?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **I far from Rat's room are you?

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Err…why do you want to know that?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Answer the question…

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Only a minute or two.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Hmm…and how far is James room from Rats?

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **He's just on the floor below, so again…only a minute or two.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Interesting…

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **What are you up to?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **I'm going to help a friend out and tell you who it is that's changed your password.

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Yeah right. I know what you're like Shakeel. You've got no clue.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Alright if you don't want to know then…

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Arrghh! Fine…who is it then?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Rat.

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Rat?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Rat.

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Rat changed my name and my password?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Yep.

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **I doubt that…why would he want to do that?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Just think about it Lauren…he's clearly not the person who you'd think would do it and that makes him the perfect candidate for doing it. He's using his own innocence to convince you of his innocence which isn't actually innocence at all.

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **I don't understand.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Just go and kick his arse.

_**I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname **_**Says: **Good idea.

**( 11:50 ) _I'msostupidIcan'tchangemyMSNname _has just signed out:**

**( 11:51 ) _All Hail Kerry _has just signed in:**

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Hail!

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **What?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Your name…you know….Hail!

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Err…yer…whatever. You seem like you're in a good mood.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **That's cause I am.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Glad someone is. Arrgg! James is so pissing me off right now! You know what he said to me before?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **No, I don't. But I have a feeling your going to tell me so before you do: Spare me the bitching. I'm not interested and it'll ruin my mood.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Fine then! God, I thought you might like to help me out that's all.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **No. I don't. But…I do have something you might be interested in.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Is it to do with James?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Yep.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Then I don't want to know. Goodbye Shakeel.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Hey wait! I think you'll want to know this.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Fine. But be quick.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **I'm sorry…does your tampon need changing?

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Fuck off…I'm leaving.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Jeez Kerry. It was just a joke. Listen, I have been meddling in the affairs of the Adams'. And I have managed to influence James into going to Rat's room and beating him up.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **How the hell did you manage that?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Just a little story about Rat doing Lauren doggy style.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Nice one.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **I know. Anyways, I also convinced Lauren into going to Rat's room and confronting him about the whole thing with Lauren user name and password.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Oh! You mean the whole dinosaur fetish thing.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Yep. Rat didn't actually change it but Lauren will head their anyway and ask him if he did. Now, I'm judging that Lauren will be their now. And I'm also judgeing that James stopped off somewhere to grab something blunt and heavily to whack Rat with so if it all works out, James will turn up at Rat's room to find Lauren there as well. Rat will be angry because James wants to hit him. Lauren will be angry because she'd have found out it wasn't Rat and there was still someone in CHERUB with her password and you'll be angry because James cheated on you.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Hold on…why am I there?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **To kick James butt. With two other trained CHERUB's there, just as pissed as you will be, James won't be able to run away. You're not going to pass an opportunity like that are you?

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **No way. I'll head there now. Thanks Shakeel. But hold on...I thought James was your friend…

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Meh! It's funnier to laugh at him then with him. Simple really. I enjoy it when he get's beaten up because of my meddling.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **You're sick…but right now, I don't really care.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **You'd better hurry up then, you wouldn't want to miss the fun would you…

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **No…I wouldn't.

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Oh…also Kerry. Bruce's bedroom is on the way to Rat's from your's isn't it?

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Yeah. Why?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **Well…it's just I heard he often forgets to lock his door at night. And that he's a very deep sleeper.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **What does this have anything to do with me?

_**GetBackInTheKitchen **_**Says: **I also hear he keeps his knuckle duster on his desk next to his alarm clock.

_**All Hail Kerry **_**Says: **Now you're talking…

**( 11:56 ) _All Hail Kerry _has just signed out.**

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><p><strong>Alright! Hope you enjoyed this chapter…also…you see that button down there that says: " <span>Review this chapter <span> " It sings if you click it.**

**... seriously it does.  
><strong>


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